dèja vu and self-awareness

Last year, after I had had my presentation of my final project, I found out that I got an AB (or B+) for it. Since I thought I’d get an A, of course I felt very dissappointed. I cried a lot after I got home, and promised that this kind of thing wouldn’t be happened again (well, at the moment I didn’t think I would take a master program right after graduated...).

Yesterday, like dèja vu, it happened again. Right after had my presentation, my nice supervisor asked me to meet him, and with low voice he said, “....actually it only needs a little more for you before getting an A....”

Was it wrong for me to get an A?

Like last year, I cried a lot (again). And by a lot, I mean A LOT. It’s so weird, just by thinking about the presentation, or my supervisor’s words, I could weep all around. My eyes were hurt, yet I still cried at night.

But after that, I couldn’t stop thinking; why it happened? Was it my faults? Seems no other reason better than that. Of course, everything’s my fault. I didn’t try as hard as I could. I kept complaining, and felt depressed without any certain reason. I didn’t try my best to do it. Or at least, that’s what I could think about the reason behind this B+ score. It’s ALL MY FAULTS.

I know I’ll be okay. I’m a strong girl, as I can say. Crying a bit won’t change that opinion. I will get better, and will be encouraged to try again (and much harder) than before to get an A for the final presentation. Even though, yes, sometimes I worry that my passion will dissappear and I’ll end up with...another cry.

But let’s not think negative, shall we?

Ganbatte!